Home

My mom and I finally planned our trip back home. I am very excited. I really hope it looks like this and I get to wear boots and drink a Gingerbread Latte. Yep, all of that and seeing my family will make it a perfect trip.

Intentional

One of my recent assignments was to review the requirements for the 5 Practicum/Internships that I must complete as well as the requirements for licensure. I also noticed that on my Syllabus for my current class it said to keep this syllabus and all of them here on out in case I needed to prove what I learned when applying for my licensure. It finally hit me, in about 3 years I will be counseling. Something I say or don’t say will truly affect how some people live their lives. That is a lot of pressure. This made me realize that I will need to carefully weigh everything that comes out of my mouth and the potential consequences.

Then I felt really bad because why don’t I do this anyways. Why do I say things I know will be hurtful to the ones I love? Why do I not tell the ones I love how I feel about them? When people ask me for advice why don’t I sit and truly contemplate what I think is best?

One of my ex’s had this horrible mother that said to me “Kayla, have you ever read the Four Agreements, you should. It’s about thinking before you speak.” While I was horribly offended and I know her intentions were not pure, I think she was right. I need to be intentional about everything I say.

Pageant Girls

One night I am at an event with my girls when it really truly hits me, most people have no idea what pageant girls are all about. I have to say 10 years ago I didn’t either. Most people assume we love rhinestones, high heels and being the center of attention but not much else. Which may be the case sometimes but there also is so much more. For those of you that don’t know my mom and I run the Arizona United States Pageants. We strive to encourage girls to have self confidence and to find a charity or cause close to their heart and volunteer.

This particular night we had been invited to an Opening Ceremony for the Basketball and Cheer Season for Special Olympics. I look up and one of the board members of Special Olympics Arizona is in tears talking about these incredible girls and how she wished the media had been there that night to see how truly giving they are.

Like any group of people there may be a few bad eggs but for the most part pageant girls are amazing people. They love helping the communities around them, they are smart, do very well in school, are supportive of people around them, and just incredible.

I met all of my best friends through pageants. I know these girls will give me advice on gowns, hair and swimsuits but they also will fill me in on what charities really need help, will pray daily if not several times a day when I am struggling.

Although I am taking a step back from pageants for awhile to pursue school I know the 10 years I spent in pageantry helped make me who I am today. I am so thankful of the experiences but most of all the family I gained.

Prince Charming

For those of you who don't know I am pretty much a clone of my mother. We agree on most everything, except decorating sometimes and guys. My whole dating life I thought we completely disagreed about what the "perfect" guy for me would be. However I learned the other night this may not be true. I asked if she were to pick a guy for me what would he be like.... I was quite impressed with her answer. She says I need someone.....

• Manly and strong, that way they can tell me when I am out of line, which I am from time to time
• Sweet and sensitive, someone that can tell me how much I mean to them without reservation.
• Smart
• Active and healthy
• Funny and understands my quirky sarcastic sense of humor.
• Has a good family
• Gentleman
• Thoughtful

I am going to add a few things to her list

• Clean and tidy
• Is able to ask for help.

Learning

The past few months have been very eventful.

April 26th I started my internship with "An Oasis of Hope" Biblical Counseling. During my time there I learned about counseling, God, the Bible and myself. I also was privileged to meet two people that I think will be in my life forever. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my intern placement was in God's plan for me.

During this time I was also preparing the four Arizona United States Queens for Nationals. I could not be more proud of these girls and the hard work they put in. I will never forget this experience with these incredible ladies.

While all these amazing things have been going on I have also had some hard times that I never expected. My mom has been telling me my whole life that I am strong, I never believed her because I thought it was something moms had to say. Then one day in my internship, Roderick mentioned my strength and although I was flattered I didn't believe him either. I finally see what they were talking about. The last four weeks of my life have had some great moments but more than that there have been moments where I just wanted to quit. I wanted to sleep and wake up and the hurt would be gone.

Even today there are moments I know everything is going to be okay then there are moments where all the hurt and anger come flooding back. I can not explain the comfort I have knowing that God is with me through all of it and he has placed some very special people in my life to support me. Through these hard times I have grown even closer to a few people and for that I am thankful. I have heard people say that peace isn't contentment when things are normal however it is about the storm. While today may be tough I am thankful that God has brought this to me, will bring me through it and will teach me something.

Things I have learned so far this year

1. There are days I barely have the energy to get out of bed.. those are the days when I MUST workout.

2. It is not all about me, in fact very little is.

3. I have made mistakes but instead of living in guilt or depression I should learn from them and do everything I can not to repeat them.

4. Any guy would be lucky to have me.

5. The first step in fixing my problems is NOT realizing them, it is committing to work on them.

6. My family is the best ever. Seriously, the people in my family are incredible.

7. Instead of getting frustrated with how people treat me, instead I should be concerned for them. What is wrong with them that they would act in an unkind or inconsiderate manner? Again, it's not all about me :)

8. God is working strong in my life even I'm not.

9. Life is good.

Just venting

I just need to vent. For the past year, or so, I have been a pain to be around most days. So I am going to vent all my annoyances, leave them here and move on.

1. Why do people complain over and over about a situation then go right back into it? If someone really annoys you why constantly put yourself in a situation to be around them? There is a point when we need to worry about our own health and stability and seperate ourselves from people that hurt us.

2. Just because my opinion is different than yours doesn't mean I am wrong. Please don't give me the third degree just because I don't like everything you do.

3. Ex's should be left in the past. Please don't bring them into your new relationships, around your family or friends. It is awkward for everyone and causes unnecessary problems.

4. I get so annoyed when someone comments how annoyed they are they haven't heard from me when they also haven't made any effort to contact me.

5. Why do some old people move so incredibly slow on the streets but are "all up in my grill" in the grocery store? Please stay out of my bubble.

6. I am annoyed that I get so annoyed.